How many times did I tell myself, “if only this was better or If I had more of something, or the right kind of something, I would be happy. Turns out, I’m not even happy all the time today! What I am is content. I am comfortable in my skin and at peace with who I am. This came to be when I realized I had been putting faith in the wrong thing for most of my life. I relied to heavily on myself and my own abilities and forgot who blessed me with those abilities in the first place. Its like my step dad used to always say, “you can have a million dollar car but a two dollar brain”. Without any insight as to how to use my gifts or for what purpose, I am a million dollar car with no driver.
My solution? Ill be the driver! The outcome....I drove that million dollar car straight off a cliff. The more damage that was caused by me, the more I tried to control it or fix it and inevitably made it worse. Everyone’s bottom is different and the journey to mine began in September of 2012 and I crashed at the bottom of that cliff in June of 2020. As my life gradually became more and more unmanageable, I held on the best I could. I latched on to people, substances, and really anything that would allow me to not focus on my life and my own reality.
Deep down in my heart, I always had this nagging obsession that I was here for a purpose. I was meant to do something on this planet. This was more than just my own thoughts. I was tapped in but unaware of where it was coming from.
Growing up, my mother was a personal trainer and fitness fanatic! She was my hero and I am so grateful for the example she set not just with her words, but her behavior. She practiced what she preached. She introduced me to weightlifing and right away, like everything in my life I take an interest in, I was addicted. I started at the age of 14 and never stopped. From this, a ripple effect took place and I find myself 8 years into a career where I get to help and serve moms just like my mom did to pursue a better version of themselves.
However, all this time serving others and coaching them to strive for more, I completely lost myself. It was June 17th, 2020 and my alarm was going off in south florida and immediately I came to tears. Nothing happened other than my alarm signifying the start of my day and the pure terror that ran through me!! For the first time in my life, I realized I needed to get sober. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I took my first sip of alcohol in September Of 2012 and drank and drugged for 8 years!!!! Little by little, I regressed in every area of my life. I was arrested twice for drinking and driving, self sabotaged 3 relationships, and damn near lost my career. These were all the things I was reflecting on while laying in bed that morning. I JUST COULD NOT LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE! More than anything, I obsessed what my life could look like with long term sobriety. What I realized that morning is that I was the creator of my chaos. I was not a victim to outside circumstances. I consciously ran my life into the ground.
What was I to do? Numerous times before, I tried to change and to be better, but I always went back to my old ways. If I was to re-create my life, I was going to need someone other than me to Re-create it. Personal turmoil was my greatest masterpiece. However, I am a masterpiece created by a living creator. That nagging voice that was always there reminding me I had a purpose and that I was here for a reason. It came back when I was truly done fighting and let go.
I am speaking of GOD of course.
My obsessions and compulsive ways were relieved that morning in June, 2020. I have since entered into the most beautiful relationship in my life. Its everything that I have always wanted and I never knew it. Before this morning, I tried filling the emptiness with aboslutely everything and nothing ever came close. Nothing was ever enough! I wanted a ride or die relationship and this is exactly what I have today.
I have been taught how to operate my own life by a simple reliance on God. I speak to him about absolutely everything and ask for guidance in every area of my life. Initially, there was still some fear but time and time again, he has made his presence known in my life. I have never gone without and my needs have always been provided. He is the standard of love and has provided me a whole new outlook on what it is to care for those in my life. His love for me is unconditional. Really though, there is no standard by which I could match up to his glory and I am loved and saved by his grace alone.
When a man is pursuing a woman he is attracted to, it always sucks when he get‘s rejected. Worse yet, when he can‘t accept the rejection and continues by trying to force some sort of a relationship to happen. The woman ultimately tells him to leave her alone!! If the man does indeed love the woman and its not just infatuation, he would most defintely leave her alone.
This is what I have come to learn about God. He won‘t influence or impact my life without me asking because I have free will. If he got involved every time something bad happened, I wouldn’t have free will, I would be a robot. For years, I struggled to figure out what was wrong and why I couldn’t shift and all along, all I had to do was ask. All the bad things that happened were of my own making. But once I asked for help and took just one step towards God, he came running 100 steps towards me.
I connect daily now and am en employee of the business of life and God is my CEO. All questions go through him. With this simple surrender, a whole lot of good and things to be grateful for have come to fruition. I made the decision not to return to my job that I was furloughed from. Instead, I started my own business, Fisher Fitness & Nutrition where I serve moms and empower them to priortize their health and build fit body’s and minds. I re-established my love for fitness and regained my physcial health. My older sister passed away two years ago leaving behind her beautiful son, my nephew. As a sober man, I get to adopt him and raise him with God guiding me through the process. Whenever fear comes knocking, I know who to go to, to work through it. I have friends today like none I’ve ever had before. There is no expectation for anything other than to spend time with each other. I can be vulnerable and authentic with them with nothing held back!! Being at peace, I get to experience a wide array of emotions today and express them appropriately. I am living a life that I really have no clue what is going to happen next. I do know that nothing is off the table.
For someone to accomplish their God given Destiny, one really important piece needs to be involved and that of course is GOD. I am living a life now and operating from a place of being that I have never experienced before. The independent variable, the one thing I did different was stopped trying to run the show and asked for help.
Today, when I put God first, everything else in my life is first class!